Remembering Beebe | Why mourning the death of a pet is no different to mourning a person

On October 19th 2020, I lost my dear kitty, Beebe (or BB).

Beebe was different from other pets my family had, had.

For one, we never adopted/bought him; we just saw him one day in our back garden.

He was a small, friendly, black stray cat; who couldn't have been more than 6 weeks old.

I remember that it was around December 2007 and it had been snowing outside, I hated the idea of leaving him out alone. I begged my mum to let us take him in, and after constantly pleading with her, she gave in.

Long story short, we searched for his owner but no-one claimed him and so, he became ours. Or as my family likes to say, he chose us, we were his pets (and it really did feel like that sometimes).

Our theory was that he was the kitten of one of our neighbour's cats and that she went away to give birth somewhere.

Beebe was our cat for almost 13 years; I was 15 years old when we first welcomed him into our home.

He was the most loving cat I've ever had; he especially loved cuddles and being picked up. He would purr insensitively and would cuddle into you. I will never forget the feeling of cuddling him, he'd often look up at me with loving eyes and I just knew that he loved me!

Many people argue that cats only love you for the food that you provide for them, it's not true.

My Beebe would see me walking to my house from afar, and would rush over to greet me, he even knew the colour of my Mum's car and would chase it. He loved to talk, and would often meow back to you whenever you'd speak to him. He loved to be in my family's company and would join us in whatever room we'd all be in. He'd sit there with us in the kitchen or the living room just listening to us talking. All of my family built a strong bond with him and we all regarded him as a key member of our family. It's so strange to picture our family without him.

Whenever I had sad times, Beebe always seemed to be there and always extra affectionate, as if he could sense that there was something wrong. I always noticed that he would stay and sleep in my room if I was feeling low or was unwell. The day I left to move to the US, Beebe came into my room (he hadn't been in my room for a couple of weeks). He came and sat next to me as I was frantically packing my belongings. I gave him a huge cuddle; I had a feeling that this would be the last time that I would see him, after all, he was old and I didn't know when I would come back. I guess I was right.

Finding out that he had passed was devastating. I found out just before leaving for work. I did debate whether or not to call in. However, it didn't seem like a legitimate reason to take time off work.

I did wonder "Why should I feel guilty for calling in? He was my family member" however, I guess it's just not as widely accepted and I didn't feel comfortable admitting the truth. I should have called in, I was in no fit state to work. I pretty much cried all day, the only reason people didn't notice my sadness was because it was hidden behind my mask (one of the only advantages of wearing a mask).

I am usually very good at hiding my emotions (Capricorn) but this one hit me very hard and I just found myself balling. I even walked to work balling my eyes out, hiding it behind sunglasses.

I felt guilty for leaving Beebe and wondered if he ever thought about me after I left. Did he wonder where I was? Did he think that I abandoned him? Did he miss me? These thoughts made me realise that I really was grieving his death.

Personally, I feel that it should be acceptable to grieve the loss of a pet and to call in sick should you need to. You shouldn't have to feel guilty or to lie about it. Grief is grief and I find it so bizarre that your grief is measured by how closely related you are to an individual, pets are not even on the list of family-bereavement. In all honesty, I grieved more for Beebe than I have any (human) family member, with no disrespect to them of course. Perhaps as more people refer to their pets as 'fur babies' it will become more normalised and acceptable. Family is family, that includes animals.

I have so many fun and happy memories with Beebe, I can't even express how much I loved him, he was one of my best friends and I will miss him every day!

Good night my angel! Beebe 2007-2020