Hey readers! I've mentioned this subject briefly on my Instagram in the past however, I feel like I need to formally address this topic in more detail.
This is a sensitive and rather personal post for me but I hope that if you do read this, you gain some insight/perspective that you did not have before. Disclaimer: My experiences and things I have witnessed are from the perspective of a White-British woman married to an Asian-American man.
It's no secret that I'm a bit of a weeb. I love and relate to many aspects of Asian culture, especially when it comes to music. Due to my interests, I have gained many friends who are of Asian ethnicity and of course, as many of you know; I am now married into an Asian family and have taken on an Asian last name. Therefore, I feel it is a responsibility of mine to address hate crimes towards people of Asian origin.
To get straight to the point, I've heard all the "jokes" and they're not funny. Every negative comment you can think of I have either witnessed or has been said directly to me about someone I'm close with.
Examples:
"Which Chinese take-away shop do they own?" (said as a "joke" plus my friend was not Chinese)
"Asian men have small dicks"
"Bring your ching chong friend"
"Chink!"
"Gook"
"Does he eat dog?"
"Does he eat bats?"
"Bye Chinky"
" *mimicking Asian languages* "
"Do they know Kim Jong-il / Kim Jong-un?"
"Chinese, Japanese, Korean....same thing"
As well as comments said to me or someone I'm close to as a "joke"... I've also experienced dirty looks, and people making snide comments about being in an interracial relationship. Not to mention people asking my parents if they are okay with me marrying an Asian man. Like, why is that an issue or concern? I don't understand at all. What exactly is your concern?
However, the worst thing I have ever experienced was someone coming into my home, looking at my wedding photo, and saying to my parents "Oh he's Asian? Well they all look the same to me". Some people don't understand why this remark is racist.
Let me explain to you why that comment is racist...
you are devaluing my husband's looks based on his race.
THAT is why it's racist. Would you go into someone's house, look at their daughter's wedding photo and say "well, your daughter's husband looks generic to me"? That's pretty much what's being said. It's rude and it is racist. It may seem like a harmless comment to you, but try looking at it from my perspective. That's my wedding photo, the happiest moment of my life and you think it's appropriate for this kind of comment to be made? I've had TOO many experiences where people have said ignorant or rude things without even realising they're being rude...and that's the scary part. Here's a couple of experiences that come to mind as I write this post that I feel need to be shared.
Experience ONE
I once had a friend visit my hometown (because she was from Korea and wanted to see what smaller English towns looked like) and she was faced with some idiot (who I went to school with) walk past her and shout "CHINK" in her ear. Luckily, she did not understand what he said, and I did not have the heart to tell her because I did not want to ruin her day. I still don't know if I made the right decision not to tell her. I still feel guilty because I was too shocked to respond then and there. I did, however, write a very angry post about it on Facebook, which obviously got a lot of attention from my community. Plus, I didn't respond because that guy has always been a bit of a prick and I didn't want to put us in danger. But the experience shocked and disturbed me so much that when my husband came to visit my hometown, I was nervous and on edge. If someone was so bold as to shout offensive words directly into my friend's ear...I wonder what else they could do. Hearing about the recent hate crimes on Asians...especially in the US, now has me feeling the same way; on edge. I worry about going to Asian restaurants, Asian grocery stores...anywhere that I feel could be a target. Especially since I live in Colorado where we've recently had a shooting in a grocery store. I don't want to experience that type of situation again and I ESPECIALLY don't want my husband's feelings hurt or for him to be harmed physically. Can you imagine feeling worried about someone attacking someone you love just because of how they look?
Experience Two When I was working in a school, I once overheard this conversation between two girls: Girl One: "Why are you going out with *insert child's name*?" Girl two: "He's cute and has really nice eyes" Girl one: "But he's Asian" Girl two: " So?" Girl two: "Well I just believe that if you're white you should marry white and if you're black you should marry black, that's just what I believe and what my family believes...that just our belief" Overhearing this, as someone married to someone outside of their "race"...obviously, you can imagine how I felt. I was completely flabbergasted. I think my mouth literally dropped when I heard this. This time, I did react immediately and told "girl two" to not listen to her stupid "friend" and comforted her as she was upset by the remarks. I then reported it and it got dealt with, straight away by the school. I don't blame that girl, she's only a young teen....but I blame her parents. Completely.
Can you believe her parents are TEACHING her this?! It's disgraceful. People with mindsets like this have no business raising future generations.
However, what annoys me is that my anger about this situation was shut down. I was told that I only feel angry about it because I'm more sensitive to the situation and basically, my feelings were brushed off and it wasn't seen as shocking as I was portraying it.
I would have been angry regardless of biases.
I am very openly against racism and discrimination from all aspects. However, I will admit that at times, I am guilty of not acting quick enough during these situations. I'm always shocked by it to a point where I'm unsure of how to react. It makes me very angry, with the situation and with myself. But here's the thing...
I am going to have to learn how to deal with it because one day I might have a child. I can't control every experience they have but how I deal with negative situations like this will be key. My husband and I may have to prepare our child for situations like this and to honest, it's sad but that's the reality.
People already make stupid assumptions about my possible future offspring based on their race so, I kind of dread to think what damaging comments are going to be said to them by ignorant people.
However, education is key and so, I will always do my best to keep educating people as well as myself on such matters. We all need to drum this out of society, and it starts with people talking about it and empowering others to take action when faced with these situations.
I know it's hard to act during these situations. You may feel awkward, you might be worried about your safety or the backlash being directed at you. Perhaps you have been like me and just froze in shock. Either way, we all have to learn to just call this crap out as it is. If it's wrong, it's wrong, it doesn't matter who is saying it. Whether it be family, friends...you need to say something. You don't need to argue, you just need to educate and explain why such things are deemed offensive. Of course, if in a public situation, please do think about your safety, taking action can also mean calling the police during serious situations.
It's a scary world we live in when people think it's okay to treat others differently based on their ethnicity or culture but here we are.
My point is....we are ALL beautiful and unique and deserve to be treated with respect. In the wise words of Thumper (Bambi) "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all"...
...and THINK
Is it:
True?
Helpful?
Inspiring?
Necessary?
Kind?
I hope I haven't rambled too much and if you've read this far, thank you.
Kerry